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Women in His Presence

by Erica Salazar

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unanswered prayers

Starting Small

Post 2:  July 1, 2018

The last time I felt I was seriously praying consistently was during the last few months before my divorce was final. I would say that it was during that time that I entered into what I could only call as “prayer warrior” mode. At times I felt as if I was a praying ninja. I would slice and dice the enemy with hand motions while I was praying. I remember one specific evening having this burning in my chest like heartburn from praying. I really thought that the divorce wouldn’t go through and prayed for delays and moves of God in my spouse. I definitely got to witness those things, but the end result did not change. The divorce still happened and the reinforcement of “I’m not a prayer warrior,” set in.

Therefore, my praying slowly fizzled away with the exception of some sporadic surges. Now, I did continue to talk to God all the time, but as far as getting away to a quiet place, it just didn’t happen much.

So here I was this past week on the path of being a prayer warrior. Where to begin? Well I got in my prayer closet and turned on worship music. I started writing down the small things. As simple as it sounds, I actually found myself chuckling earlier that day because a friend of mine said she was going to have to pray about what to name her car. As I laughed to myself, the Holy Spirit convicted me big time. It was clear at that moment that God wanted me to pray for the little things and the little decisions. So, that became my starting point.

The Results:

The first three days started out the same way. Me making a list of the little things and praying about them. However, during prayer I would start to see things. One was a heart arising out of stone that was being cracked with a hammer. I would also see God cupping a particular person’s heart bringing him back to life. Scriptures would come to mind as well and always carried a particular meaning related to prayer when I looked those verses up. I would definitely say that I was getting warmed up to be a prayer warrior.

On the third day, I felt the need to just intercede for that one person. My entire prayer time was on him. During prayer I was seeing a rebirth of this person. He was waking up and being resurrected. He was having an awakening. It was during this prayer session that the prayer warrior mode resurfaced. It was at this time that I was directly speaking to the enemy and taking back territory. I was on the offense and out to cover that person in prayer and bind up what is holding on to him. Again, I also received a scripture.

John 3:15 That everyone who believes will have eternal life in Him.

Day four was different. On that day, the prompting to pray and intercede came from the Holy Spirit and not during my scheduled prayer time. Instead it was during the day. Again, it was for this one person. This time though, I was seeing a sucking of this person like a whirlpool into a tormenting place. He would come out and get sucked back in. I was also getting that the “new” version of this person was being resurrected because there was no more tug-of-war. His heart was turning to God and he had a renewed mind and was FREE. Again, prayer warrior mode came out and territory was taken back.

The following days were the same. Prayer warrior mode was occurring more naturally. I continued to see pictures and pray specifically for that one person over various areas of their life. The intercession was becoming more of a fight. I found myself having more faith in my prayers as well as sheer determination to cover that person in the spiritual realm. My voice was becoming authoritative in prayer as I would tell the enemy and his agents where they belong and where I cast them. Occasionally, I would stand up and march during prayer as if I’m entering battle as well as tying up the enemy and throwing him on the ground. I would follow that up with a crushing of his head with my heal.

The overall lesson I learned this week was praying for the small stuff got me comfortable with praying and in the habit of praying. However, I was very surprised how quickly that moved me into prayer sessions that were intercessory in nature as well as the increase confidence that the Lord was doing something when I pray.

Starting off at the beginning of the week, I felt awkward and unsure. But, by the end of the week it felt very natural to come boldly to the throne.

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Answers to Unanswered Prayers

February 20, 2016 marked the first night I spent alone and the beginning of a separation which ultimately led me to file for divorce in early June.

I wrote in my journal, “Is this the end or the beginning for us?”

The few months prior had led me to take this excruciating step that was a result choosing safety over holding on to this broken dream. Finally, I realized that there are certain things in a marriage God does not expect you to endure and that I didn’t need to do it anymore.

The following months were filled with many tears, struggles of feeling an aloneness that was unbearable, emotionally draining, and physically and mentally exhausting.

Learning how to sleep alone with all the lights off was a fear I eventually conquered. Weaning myself from having all lights on, to just a lamp, to just the blinds open, and finally to complete peace in the darkness.

Many times I cried out to God, “Where are you in this? Why aren’t you moving this mountain? If I have had faith all of these years that you could fix this and use all these years of darkness for good, why aren’t you doing it? How could divorce be in your will?”

As the months passed, there wasn’t much proof that things were going to change and neither was the behavior that would determine whether or not returning to the marriage would even be an option. I was becoming afraid that I was going to be forced to file while truly believing it never had to be this way.

What did begin to change was another move by God to draw me nearer than ever before. Training me to trust His voice and the doors he was going to open that would eventually reemphasize a calling, deepen my friendships with my sisters in Christ, reunite me with my family, and move me to a place I could grow.

After the move, he was going to draw me even deeper to a point of complete joy and thankfulness for having this experience. 

In both apartments I have lived in this year, my bedroom has become a prayer chamber. Chart paper is my decor with various titles that document what God shows me in our private time.

One chart paper that stayed empty was the one titled, “What are you showing me through this?” It was empty, however because I thought I had nothing to learn as the “perfect” wife. Ha! God showed me.

When I finally opened my heart and mind this is what he showed me. The list is long. Double Ha!
1. I learned how to be a real prayer warrior and pray with authority mainly for my spouse.
2. I learned that I cannot put my value into my marital status or in how I am treated by my spouse. That becomes idolization.
3. How to have perseverance.
4. How to spell perseverance. ( I always spell it perSERVErance which I also think is a later message)
5. I needed to marry my spouse because everything I went through brought me to Christ and my salvation.
6. I’m the wife my husband needed. Even is this time, my spouse needed to know what AGAPE love looks and sounds like.
7. Resistance training-When the mountain isn’t moving, then God is trying to teach you something. (TD Jakes sermon)
8. Praying for your marriage to work, so you can have your “Dream Come True,” is selfish. I should have been praying for my spouse’s walk with God and his salvation.
9. I had become self righteous and adding guilt and shame instead of just letting God have complete reign. God needed to move me, so I could get my hands and eyes off of trying to fix a relationship that was never really about me and my spouse. It’s always been about his relationship with Jesus Christ.
10. Finally, to show His miracles.

Ezekiel 3:27 NIV

But when I speak to you, I will open your mouth and you shall say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says.’ Whoever will listen let them listen, and whoever will refuse let them refuse; for they are a rebellious people.

To God Be the Glory

 

 

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