Hungering the Holy Spirit

Post 3: July 9, 2018

This week started a little different right off the bat. Praying more definitely caused a tapping into my emotions that I’ve tried to cover. In the middle of the day, I went to my prayer room and just started crying. I didn’t have words to say just a grieving heart that needed to be comforted by the Lord. This weeping reminded me of my early prayers when mountains weren’t moving. I would cry and weep and I started to wonder that back then maybe instead of weeping, I should have had the hunger to be a warrior. At some point that day after I stopped crying, I started searching for prayer warrior videos.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

Ironically, I saw a video called “Weepers and Warriors.” It was by a woman called Vesta Mangun. I had never heard of Vesta Mangun, but you could tell even before listening that this was a tiny yet mighty woman of God with a lot of experience with the Lord under her belt. I thought for sure this woman was going to tell me to stop weeping and start warring. However, it wasn’t until three days later that I actually listened to that video.

It was on the third day, that I started praying not knowing what to say. So, I went to the Word to listen. Psalm 33 led me to write down God’s truths, but personalize them. The Lord was also prompting me to fast and repeatedly pointing me to that direction with several confirmations.

When I listened to Vesta’s “Weepers and Warriors,” I was encouraged to fast. But most important, I was encouraged to weep. This was not what I was expecting. But she made known that every drop of my tears has going into a bucket and to continue to weep until you get to experience the water.

Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
Psalm 126:6

It was around this day that I confirmed to God that I want Him like Vesta has Him. I want to know the Lord so intimately that I experience what she is experiencing. I don’t want to have a good relationship with my Lord, but the best. I don’t want it just to get my prayers answered. I want it, because I desire the Lord and to experience his love and mighty will for my life first hand.

I don’t want a second hand, past down relationship with Jesus Christ. I want front row, first hand knowledge, and personal experiences. I want to testify to God’s goodness and greatness and not just tune into to someone else on YouTube declaring it. If they can have it, so can I.

God pursues me and you, but our level of engagement creates the opportunity for the best arrangement to experience it. If we don’t engage we miss all that was arranged by God.

Be Blessed,

Just Me

In early June of 2016, I had filed for divorce. It was my worst nightmare and a decision I had put off for many years in hopes that God was going to do a needed miracle in order for me to remain. Unfortunately, I had to let go of my dreams and my husband who I dearly loved.

I cannot begin to explain the loneliness I felt during the separation, the frustration of the “mountain” not moving, and the desperation for God to fix it. Emotionally and mentally, the entire scenario and the process afterwards proved to be a hurt that challenged my worth and value as a woman and as a Christian. Many situations would bring me to tears and a breakdown. Sometimes alone in my apartment and sometimes in the arms of my mom, but always in the presence of God.

Today, I am so thankful that God is my anchor. He has healed me mentally and emotionally in so many ways that I find it quite unbelievable. There is no bitterness or hate. By all worldly standards, there should be. I should hate all men. I should hate marriage and I’m sure the enemy would have loved it if I turned on God.

But no! God during this process has revealed himself so brilliantly. His covenant with me remains. He has blessed me abundantly and has proved His Word to be true. He has truly positioned me to be exactly where I am today and is bringing me into deeper relation with Him.


1. He has shown me to have Agape love towards someone who has hurt me.
2. He has shown me how to be a concrete image of Jesus Christ’s love no matter what sin has been done against me because it has first been done against Him.
3. He is redirecting me to find my value in Him and not man.
4. He is challenging me to believe that His promises are for me too.
5. He is asking me to trust him and have faith.
6. He is calling me to intercessory prayer and stand in the gap, so that I can believe that prayer works.
7. He is asking me to believe in the impossible miracle that will show His Glory even if it’s just me believing in it.

8.  He is showing me what it means to take up my cross if I am going to follow Him.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

To God Be the Glory

Phase 2: PerSERVERance

As a Christmas gift in 2008, I was given a special devotional book by Dr. James and Shirley Dobson titled, “Night Light.”

Today’s devo started out with an article from the Denver Post titled, “I’m Third.” To summarize, it was about a pilot who chose not to eject, but die, to ensure his failing aircraft would not crash into a neighborhood. Days following the crash, his wife found a card in his wallet that said, “I’m Third” which reflected his life of God first, others second, and himself third.

This impacted me very deeply because of a calling God has given me. It is something I struggle with everyday, and getting a front row seat to wickedness this past week, it has spurned a lot of questions that I had for God about this calling.

1. Are you sure you want me to keep praying? This is making me very uncomfortable for several reasons.
2. Can they even be saved?
3. Will you protect me from the ploys of the enemy?
4. I’m trusting you to not lead me into a path of destruction.
5. Am I hearing you correctly?

He has answered me before and after this dialogue with the word perSERVERance.

If you notice in the title, I have spelled perseverance as perserverance. It is intentional. I have come to realize by finding old scripture cards and looking at my “war room” chart paper that I have always spelled it with SERVER instead of SEVER. These two words have such a harsh difference that I couldn’t help but sense God speaking.

When I think of perseverance/severing, I think of pushing or pulling away, cutting off, and breaking through and breaking away. Either way, it is overcoming what hurts, hinders, entangles, and/or burdens resulting in a personal achievement.

When I think of a SERVER, I think of submission with strength and dignity. I think of grace, mercy, hospitality. I think of putting the other’s needs and interest first and finding joy in the hospitality and comfort that the servant offers despite the appreciation or lack of appreciation given in return.

In this Phase 2, A Call to Persevere, God is asking that I continue to pray for redemptive hearts and souls in a way that requires me to persevere with a servants heart and not persevere with a heart of self interest. He asks that, so he can use me to be a concrete illustration that models what Jesus did for us. If someone is not reading the Bible or in a church setting, then when or where do they see and experience Jesus?

It is through us. Not because we are Jesus, but because with a strengthening personal relationship with Jesus Christ, we are being molded into his image by the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells in us. That gives us the ability to PERSEVERE through SERVING in grace, mercy, and hospitality and overlooking whether or not someone deserves good service.

1. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

2. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9
3. The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. Proverbs 15:3

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:19
4. Say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you. Isaiah 35:4
5. Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23

To God be the Glory